Image: Rana Sawalha
Welcome to A Writer's Journey, a continuation of 60 days of journal entries leading up to the publication of my book,The Path: A Journey Into The Light: The Journey From Fear To Love. (The first five posts can be found here.)
I felt the need to create a writing category on The Path blog because aside from being a spiritual teacher, I am also a writer and a newly published author.
Although my book is about my spiritual practice as a channel and guide for The Path: A Journey Into The Light, the process I underwent from conception to completion was that of a writer. One whose life was sometimes consumed with uncertainty and struggles, from finding and composing the right words to honing my craft and believing in myself and my dream that finishing my first book and becoming a published author, was real, doable, and within reach.
I'm excited to share my experience walking the path of growth and self-discovery as a writer and human being.
There is such a tendency, influenced by the 3D version of a successful life––and my long-standing relationship with it (albeit one traversed with a constant side-eye)––to look at my life story and see myself and what I am creating through its prefabricated design and expectations. So much became clear about how this impacts everything from my attitude to my belief about what I can achieve as a person and a writer.
What's been happening is this reoccurring sense that there is no way through and no place for me in the existing reality. This means that whenever I think of moving forward on my path, I feel constricted, held back, and unable to see any way I can create what I need to move my life forward. What I realized this morning is why this is happening. Without intention, whenever I began to focus on my forward possibilities, I have been seeing them through the limited and off-limit reality of 3D. That is not where I live, and no place exists for me in that reality.
I must remember that I am rebuilding my life in 5D. Therefore, I have to look at the possibilities through that lens. What I discovered when I did this was unlimited possibility and creative potential! It was exciting to see it from that perspective. When looking at what was possible, I felt a freedom and a joy that is so new for me when dealing with this particular aspect of my life. Let me say this. The joy is there when contemplating it without thinking how it will get done. There's a strong sense that it can happen without knowing the how-to steps to get me there. That's always fine and inspiring, as the conceptual experience of a new idea always is.
It's only when I start to consider what I have to do to accomplish my goals and I put my attention, let's say, on my writing––what types of things I will write or a current project that needs completing––that absolute panic sets in. Fear rises in me and overtakes my senses completely. Suddenly, great waves of doubt and despair envelop me, and I feel imprisoned, with no way out.
That's when I began to question that, for starters, maybe I only think I want to write, but I was never meant to. And, when I think of all the changes I want to make in my life, like moving and traveling and creating a great deal more sustainable income, I am entirely at a loss, a total blank, at how I would ever be able to accomplish that. I start to feel completely incompetent and wonder what in the hell I am going to do.
Even while it's happening, I realize much of this is inaccurate. The problem was that I needed to learn how to see the alternative and what different lens I could look through for a better answer. That is, until this morning when I had a fantastic breakthrough and was able to see that I have to not only create the reality of what it is I'm going to do, but I also have to create the doorway for me to walk through, to share what it is I create.
I am so happy to see that my intentions and the tools I have been using have helped me become more visual, able to visualize with intention and spontaneity. This morning, the image that came to me was that of a door, literally standing in space. It was a door with its frame but nothing else. That's when I surmised it was up to me to create and walk through that door. The image represented the door I would need to walk through to find my place in 3D expression.
And, as I mentioned earlier, whatever I am going to share, I get to be highly inventive about precisely what that is. Yes, I know the elements of it and the methods at my disposal, but it's how I choose to do it––express my truth and vision––that is open and up to me to discover what is most suitable and rewarding.
Again, this morning's experience harkens to the messages I've received these past few days: remember my process and what I am doing. Don't get ahead of myself and think I should be doing something I have yet to create. Know that I am not working from any deficit or lack. On the contrary, I work from solid roots in Love and have accrued a lot of knowledge and energy. I have the best opportunity I've ever had to express my truth in a way that will bring me the greatest joy and satisfaction.
M ~